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| Gay Arabs Speak Out On Their Lives by: Herndon L. Davis |
| Issam Khoury |
| Ramy Eletreby |
Homosexuality in the Arab world is a topic so volatile that in some countries death is the penalty. Yet gradually and very cautiously gay Arabs are coming out of
the closet with increasing confidence. Spanning across 22 countries with a combined population of 323 million, the Arab world is not only connected through its
language but is also linked through numerous gay Arab websites, chat rooms, and blogs.
However, for gay Arab Americans, even though they live with much greater personal freedoms they often still find themselves conflicted between their sexual,
religious, ethnic/cultural and national identities. Meet Issam Khoury of Washington, DC and Ramy Eletreby of Los Angeles. They both are gay Arab men but each
with a totally different path and background. However both men have a remarkable clarity and an agreement on the crucial issues which impact them the most.
the closet with increasing confidence. Spanning across 22 countries with a combined population of 323 million, the Arab world is not only connected through its
language but is also linked through numerous gay Arab websites, chat rooms, and blogs.
However, for gay Arab Americans, even though they live with much greater personal freedoms they often still find themselves conflicted between their sexual,
religious, ethnic/cultural and national identities. Meet Issam Khoury of Washington, DC and Ramy Eletreby of Los Angeles. They both are gay Arab men but each
with a totally different path and background. However both men have a remarkable clarity and an agreement on the crucial issues which impact them the most.
| Issam Khoury |
Issam later attended college in the US, first
graduating from Virginia Tech, then
onward to Ohio State to earn a masters
degree and then forward to American
University where he’s currently earning a
doctorate in cultural studies.
He admits that it wasn’t until college that
he started to become fully aware of his
identity as an “outwardly gay man and not
someone who engages in sex with other
men” he explains. In many ways his
college years helped him to adopt a holistic
identity that was related to his sexual
orientation, but this was only the first step.
He reveals that his journey still was “very
difficult because I have no examples I don’
t have any James Baldwin’s we don’t have
any Gloria Anzaldua’s, we don’t have any
of those in the Arab community. There are
gay people out there and they’re out and
they’re proud, but they do not write, they
do not represent, they have not laid the
foundation for a community in the same
way that American ethnic communities
have had on varying levels.”
graduating from Virginia Tech, then
onward to Ohio State to earn a masters
degree and then forward to American
University where he’s currently earning a
doctorate in cultural studies.
He admits that it wasn’t until college that
he started to become fully aware of his
identity as an “outwardly gay man and not
someone who engages in sex with other
men” he explains. In many ways his
college years helped him to adopt a holistic
identity that was related to his sexual
orientation, but this was only the first step.
He reveals that his journey still was “very
difficult because I have no examples I don’
t have any James Baldwin’s we don’t have
any Gloria Anzaldua’s, we don’t have any
of those in the Arab community. There are
gay people out there and they’re out and
they’re proud, but they do not write, they
do not represent, they have not laid the
foundation for a community in the same
way that American ethnic communities
have had on varying levels.”
A refugee by birth and by war, Issam Khoury
has seen and experienced a broad cross-
section of the world. Both of his parents
were born and raised in Palestine but because
of the politics surrounding the Israeli
occupation, Issam was forced to be born and
raised in Kuwait until the age of 13. “I learned
what it meant to be different in being in
Kuwait because as a non Kuwait you are
always perceived different” he explains.
But when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, Issam’
s family was forced to live in Cypress where
Issam finished his schooling. Again he felt
the unspoken words and perception of being
different in another country.
As a youth Issam began to become more
aware of his burgeoning homosexuality. “I
always knew I was attracted to men. I knew
from the days when I was living in Kuwait
which to me debunks the myth that many
Arabs would like to have that this does not
exist in our part of the world because it does.
When I moved to Cypress in 95’ I found
myself becoming sexually active and that’s
how I knew that this was here to stay” he
reveals.
has seen and experienced a broad cross-
section of the world. Both of his parents
were born and raised in Palestine but because
of the politics surrounding the Israeli
occupation, Issam was forced to be born and
raised in Kuwait until the age of 13. “I learned
what it meant to be different in being in
Kuwait because as a non Kuwait you are
always perceived different” he explains.
But when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, Issam’
s family was forced to live in Cypress where
Issam finished his schooling. Again he felt
the unspoken words and perception of being
different in another country.
As a youth Issam began to become more
aware of his burgeoning homosexuality. “I
always knew I was attracted to men. I knew
from the days when I was living in Kuwait
which to me debunks the myth that many
Arabs would like to have that this does not
exist in our part of the world because it does.
When I moved to Cypress in 95’ I found
myself becoming sexually active and that’s
how I knew that this was here to stay” he
reveals.
| "It took a lot of internal work for me to merge my Arabic and my gay identities" |
As a result, Issam found nurturing support within the African American community adding that he was “adopted” by many black people
and that “in the black community…I found my identity as a man of color.
I really found my identity as a gay man of color through reading E. Lynn Harris. I found it inspiring to read about men of color loving
other men and color. I found my identity and what it could be to be in a relationship with another man of color and how beautiful that
could be and how celebrated that could be without having to be ashamed of it.”
In terms of his Arab identity, Issam says that he found his Arabic-self through his masters degree program at Ohio State where he
studied Arab literature. He openly admits that he had a “big aversion” to white people after being called a “sand nigger, camel jockey, and
towel head” during his college years. So this new academic program gave him both affirmation and confirmation of who he really was,
thus casting away all labels and stereotypes.
“It was in my masters program that I found myself as an Arab man” he proudly states. However, the reconciliation of being Arab, Gay
and Christian was still a long, arduous and complicated process. After coming out to his parents, he we went back into the closet for
six years.
“It took a lot of internal work for me to merge my Arabic and my gay identities. It took a lot of soul searching, it took a lot of research;
delving into the issue of Arabic and gay but it’s very slow. We have a lot issues of pride in Arabic community and pride is related to
family honor and if somebody is gay then you shame family honor and therefore these issues are not widely talked about but discussed
in closed circles” he shares.
Because of his journey of transformation and reconciliation Issam decided to enroll in a cultural studies doctoral program because he
recognized that he belonged to too many diverse groups to limit himself to just one identity or concentration. “The United States thrives
on identity politics; it’s the capital of what I call the check box on the application because you always have to be something you always
have to be categorized as something.”
Further, Issam’s own diversity and his desire to learn about the diversity of others led him out of his personal check box. He’s a
member of a black fraternity and is currently learning to speak Spanish, all in an effort to broaden his exposure and understanding of
culture and diversity.
and that “in the black community…I found my identity as a man of color.
I really found my identity as a gay man of color through reading E. Lynn Harris. I found it inspiring to read about men of color loving
other men and color. I found my identity and what it could be to be in a relationship with another man of color and how beautiful that
could be and how celebrated that could be without having to be ashamed of it.”
In terms of his Arab identity, Issam says that he found his Arabic-self through his masters degree program at Ohio State where he
studied Arab literature. He openly admits that he had a “big aversion” to white people after being called a “sand nigger, camel jockey, and
towel head” during his college years. So this new academic program gave him both affirmation and confirmation of who he really was,
thus casting away all labels and stereotypes.
“It was in my masters program that I found myself as an Arab man” he proudly states. However, the reconciliation of being Arab, Gay
and Christian was still a long, arduous and complicated process. After coming out to his parents, he we went back into the closet for
six years.
“It took a lot of internal work for me to merge my Arabic and my gay identities. It took a lot of soul searching, it took a lot of research;
delving into the issue of Arabic and gay but it’s very slow. We have a lot issues of pride in Arabic community and pride is related to
family honor and if somebody is gay then you shame family honor and therefore these issues are not widely talked about but discussed
in closed circles” he shares.
Because of his journey of transformation and reconciliation Issam decided to enroll in a cultural studies doctoral program because he
recognized that he belonged to too many diverse groups to limit himself to just one identity or concentration. “The United States thrives
on identity politics; it’s the capital of what I call the check box on the application because you always have to be something you always
have to be categorized as something.”
Further, Issam’s own diversity and his desire to learn about the diversity of others led him out of his personal check box. He’s a
member of a black fraternity and is currently learning to speak Spanish, all in an effort to broaden his exposure and understanding of
culture and diversity.
| Ramy Eletreby |
Born and raised in sunny Southern California
behind the conservative and affluent curtain of
Orange County, Ramy Eletreby, who is of
Egyptian descent, grew up the youngest of three
children. While both of his parents were born and
raised in Egypt, Ramy’s perspective has a distinct
American flair.
He says that he was raised “conservative and
Muslim” and that his upbringing has helped
shaped him to where he is today.
Ramy’s gay awakening actually began around the
age of 15. He remembers attending a play in Los
Angeles that centered around boxing. During a
locker room scene, one of the boxers actually
showered on stage. It was Ramy’s first time
seeing a naked man.
“I was flustered and blushing and all that stuff
and I just knew that if I had a reaction like that it
must mean something. I never had such a strong
reaction of anybody like that. I could not avert
my eyes but deep down I knew I should not be
enjoying it.”
Interestingly enough, Ramy did not act out
sexually on his urges. Instead he went through a
personal journey seeking to reconcile his sexuality
with his Muslim beliefs. “I went through a lot of
self exploration, a lot questions, and a lot of
confusion” he explains.
behind the conservative and affluent curtain of
Orange County, Ramy Eletreby, who is of
Egyptian descent, grew up the youngest of three
children. While both of his parents were born and
raised in Egypt, Ramy’s perspective has a distinct
American flair.
He says that he was raised “conservative and
Muslim” and that his upbringing has helped
shaped him to where he is today.
Ramy’s gay awakening actually began around the
age of 15. He remembers attending a play in Los
Angeles that centered around boxing. During a
locker room scene, one of the boxers actually
showered on stage. It was Ramy’s first time
seeing a naked man.
“I was flustered and blushing and all that stuff
and I just knew that if I had a reaction like that it
must mean something. I never had such a strong
reaction of anybody like that. I could not avert
my eyes but deep down I knew I should not be
enjoying it.”
Interestingly enough, Ramy did not act out
sexually on his urges. Instead he went through a
personal journey seeking to reconcile his sexuality
with his Muslim beliefs. “I went through a lot of
self exploration, a lot questions, and a lot of
confusion” he explains.
| “I went through a lot of self exploration, a lot questions, and a lot of confusion” |
Similar to the path of many other gays, Ramy eventually mustered up enough courage to start
coming out to his friends. After an eight year period he had come out to just about everyone
in his life with the exception of his own family, however that was about to change in a very
public way in the summer of 2005.
A budding actor, Ramy decided to accept a role at a Hollywood theater portraying a gay Arab.
However certain Arab community groups got wind of the play and its gay content and started
to protest. Meanwhile the LA Times bloodhounds sniffed out the story and surrounded the
playhouse to do what eventually became a major news story about the play, its gay content,
the controversy, and the fact that its lead actor, Ramy was a gay man.
coming out to his friends. After an eight year period he had come out to just about everyone
in his life with the exception of his own family, however that was about to change in a very
public way in the summer of 2005.
A budding actor, Ramy decided to accept a role at a Hollywood theater portraying a gay Arab.
However certain Arab community groups got wind of the play and its gay content and started
to protest. Meanwhile the LA Times bloodhounds sniffed out the story and surrounded the
playhouse to do what eventually became a major news story about the play, its gay content,
the controversy, and the fact that its lead actor, Ramy was a gay man.
When the story hit, Ramy estimates it took four people reading it before the news was promptly delivered to his parents. Additional attention came
when Advocate Magazine also did a spread on him. It was an extremely stressful and an emotionally raw time for him, but today he’s out to everyone
and living his life authentically.
And after many years of wrestling with both his spirituality and his sexuality, Ramy has finally found the peace that he’s been searching for since he
was 15. “I’ve just come to the conclusion that not everything is perfect. This religion that I was raised in is not perfect” he explains. He adds that
people who subscribe to a religious belief system must “apply however much you can apply to your life and since I know I cannot change certain
facts about who I am….if I choose to have a religion like Islam it needs to be as much as I can take of it.”
Today Ramy works for a gay publication in Los Angeles where he says it has helped him to find his gay identity. However, he sees no back and
forth competing of his multiple identities of being gay, Arab, and Muslim. “I’ve never allowed it to be a fight; it’s just part of my daily reality. I’m an
Arab American who happens to be raised Muslim who considers himself for the most part Muslim but I am an American who is of Arab descent.”
He adds that “your identity is who you are at any given moment. There’s never a day where I’m not Muslim or don’t not view myself as a product
of Muslims. I’m able to go through every day and realize which parts of my identify are speaking up and how I can filter those to come to a focused
stop process through any given situation.”
when Advocate Magazine also did a spread on him. It was an extremely stressful and an emotionally raw time for him, but today he’s out to everyone
and living his life authentically.
And after many years of wrestling with both his spirituality and his sexuality, Ramy has finally found the peace that he’s been searching for since he
was 15. “I’ve just come to the conclusion that not everything is perfect. This religion that I was raised in is not perfect” he explains. He adds that
people who subscribe to a religious belief system must “apply however much you can apply to your life and since I know I cannot change certain
facts about who I am….if I choose to have a religion like Islam it needs to be as much as I can take of it.”
Today Ramy works for a gay publication in Los Angeles where he says it has helped him to find his gay identity. However, he sees no back and
forth competing of his multiple identities of being gay, Arab, and Muslim. “I’ve never allowed it to be a fight; it’s just part of my daily reality. I’m an
Arab American who happens to be raised Muslim who considers himself for the most part Muslim but I am an American who is of Arab descent.”
He adds that “your identity is who you are at any given moment. There’s never a day where I’m not Muslim or don’t not view myself as a product
of Muslims. I’m able to go through every day and realize which parts of my identify are speaking up and how I can filter those to come to a focused
stop process through any given situation.”
| Advice to Young Gay Arabs |
While Issam and Ramy were able to move above and beyond the conflicts of their multiple identities, there are many other young gay Arabs who are
still baffled by it and struggle with it daily.
Issam gives this piece of advice to gay Arab youth. “You are not alone, you are not the only gay Arab person out there. You’re not the only young
man or young woman who’s struggling with this. Find where the myth is; find the fact and where the two separate. Do your research. Dispel the
myths for yourself.”
Ramy agrees adding that “the only person that you really need to listen to is yourself. You cannot allow people who have taught you as a child, or
your parents, or family members, religious scholars, siblings, friends. You cannot allow people to make decisions about your life and what is right
about you without you involved. So do not act outside of your best interest.”
still baffled by it and struggle with it daily.
Issam gives this piece of advice to gay Arab youth. “You are not alone, you are not the only gay Arab person out there. You’re not the only young
man or young woman who’s struggling with this. Find where the myth is; find the fact and where the two separate. Do your research. Dispel the
myths for yourself.”
Ramy agrees adding that “the only person that you really need to listen to is yourself. You cannot allow people who have taught you as a child, or
your parents, or family members, religious scholars, siblings, friends. You cannot allow people to make decisions about your life and what is right
about you without you involved. So do not act outside of your best interest.”
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Herndon Davis is an author, lecturer, and TV/Radio Host of The Herndon Davis Reports. He can be reached directly at
http://herndondavis.com
Herndon Davis is an author, lecturer, and TV/Radio Host of The Herndon Davis Reports. He can be reached directly at
http://herndondavis.com